Well thought I was getting better

Well, I was feeling great for 3 days walking and doing pretty good to now I'm in my wheelchair. My legs were the first to harden in the muscles with severe charlie horses if I do try and stand. I tried to do stretches but it made them worse. Its moved up my back, and going into my arms now.
Its very depressing and I really am so embarrassed by my condition. I'm afraid it makes my husband embarrassed by me, even though he says it doesn't.
Ive had a serious sinus infection for over a month now. I'm starting to gag and choke at night along with bouts of not breathing. Hubby hears me wakes me and pounds my back and chest to help me get going again.
I'm not wanting to go to the hospital again. I cant stand it anymore. My veins are shot and they will have to put in a pic line again. That is very painful.
I guess its time to quit smoking. Finally after 17 yrs I am going to quit. Uggh more agitation to my plate. Well my plate is running over as it says in Hope Floats "My cup runneth over" That's how I feel about my children and husband along with my friends and family.
Well I'm going to try and relax a bit. Ive very tired and exhausted in the past two days Ive only had maybe 8 hours around 3-4 hours a night. So I just want to crash I just don't dare because hubby isn't home and if I stop breathing there will be no one there to pound me.
Hugs and Witchy Wheelchair Wiggles

Things are better I hope

Well as my previous post said I was living in Hades for a while. He finally did come home and was apologizing. During the night when he thought I was sleeping he was crying saying he doesn't know why he hurts me so. I know he is sorry but he doesn't know how to show me just how much he loves me when he is awake.
Things are always rocky this time of year because he hits is high/low point. It will last for another month or so. He is bi-polar but doesn't want to go see anyone with it or be on any meds. I wont leave him because of his illness because I wouldn't him to leave me because of my illness.

Yesterday we went to Unitarian service and class. It was nice to finally meet some of the people that have been of such help through-out my troubles.

It took me a ton of guts to go up and give my positive in my life. I was totally freaked out, turned red and was shaky. I was able to walk without to much trouble this is day two that I can do that. I do get worn out a bit but I do okay.

Its nice to be out of relapse now. I'm going to work on doing Tai Chi and Yoga again so I can lose some weight, have more balance and not being in so much.

I'm going to start my handwritten BOS. Mostly mine is all on the puter. I want a nice one to pass down to my daughter who wants to learn more. She is now in Kentucky instead of OK living now with her stepmonsters dad and his wife. She will never get her education and learn to rely on herself and not drugs. She wont be going through rehab. I'm totally upset with my ex. Because now I wont hear from her or see her for years. That's the way they work.

The stepmonster has convinced people I'm terrible, bad mother, drug addict and so on. I'm not any of them. Its funny that a woman who tries so hard to do all the things I do and then cut and dye her hair the same as mine. I really get tired of it. She has been doing this for 15 yrs now. You see she used to be my friend and then started having an affair with my husband at the time.

Well I'm going to go do yoga now and clean up some of the house so I can sew like mad.

Hugs and Witchy Wiggles
Witchy Fae

Living in Hades!!!!

Ive been living in hades for years.... My husband keeps cheating on me and doesn't come home at night. He is bi-polar and this is his high or down he does both, it will last for 3 months then stop. Last year he asked for a divorce and I was leaving, got into a terrible accident while pulling brand new trailer. He then wanted me back and felt horrible, was treating me good until last month.
I was in the hospital for a week and he only came to see me 2 times. My parents and daughter flew down and were there everyday. My parents told me he treated them terribly and rude to them. They left as soon as I got home. He then was really mean. I had to cook and clean the messes that were in the house.
I am progressive MS, had a stroke last year after the accident, have cluster migraines daily, and in a wheelchair most of the time.
I cant clean the house because my wheelchair and my legs give out causing me to fall. I did it anyways when I got home and fell many times. My daughter got up and took care of me. Then stole all my medications and overdosed. She is a drug addict.
My other daughter and two beautiful baby girls lives in OK as does my youngest. She couldn't make it.
My husband has been drinking heavily alot lately almost every day. I don't get out of the house unless he is home and that's only once a week or if I have a doctors appointment the transit bus comes and gets me.
He took me off the account because when I was at my worst with my MS I spend all the money. I don't remember doing it but I did.
Now I don't have any money he doesn't give me anymore then 5 dollars a week for the bus. That's it.
Right now I'm so upset and hurt I had a severe anxiety attack at 3 am and my neighbor took me to the hospital to calm me down so I don't go into a bad relapse. I'm very loopy and I tried to sleep I just cant because I am to hurt.
My friends are going to start taking me so I can worship and be a part of the coven.
They had no idea anything was wrong because I was so embarrassed I didn't tell them until yesterday. Now they are going to get me out at least once a week so I don't have to be so lonely and isolated.
Well that's me in a nutshell right now.
Hugs and Witchy Wiggles
Witchy Fae

CANCER FREE WOO HOO

Okay I just have to do a big happy dance for myself to the Goddess. I am cancer free. I just found out today. I cant believe it. Its just to good to be true. No chemo for me woo hoo.

My daughter overdosed on my meds she stole. I found a total between them of 175 pills missing. Now I am having trouble getting them filled because they want me to file charges against my daughter.

They had to shock her 3 times and the last one she almost didnt come back to us. they told her she has heart, brain and stomach damage.

If it wasnt for her roommate at Job Corp in OK, she wouldnt be alive. Her roommate heard her choking on her own vomit and it was mostly blood.

Im angry and heart broken with her that she would do this again. This makes the 3rd time she has done this. Im hoping this time she will finally check herself into rehab but its been almost a week and she hasnt done so yet.

I dont think she has hit her rock bottom yet. It is breaking my heart.

Well Im outa here off to call all my friends and family.

Hugs and Witchy Wiggles

Witchy Fae

Well its been a while since I posted.
Things have really changed for me. My Multiple Sclerosis has really been tough to deal with. I use a wheelchair and mostly a walker now. I was in the hospital for many things. I get these burning headaches that mimic a stroke. Nothing has worked they said they are worse then a migraine. They had me do an MRI while in a full blown one and I am severely claustrophobic. So that was total hell. They finally gave me an injection half way through because I couldn't take it anymore.
They still don't know whats causing it and its also making it so one side of my body will go limp and numb.
They said my MRI showed I am out of a 9 month relapse but yet the headaches are causing so it feels like I'm not.
Well I'm hoping to get rid of these things so I can enjoy what time I have left of my remission. I want to go golfing, swimming laps, bike rides and so much more before it hits again. Its almost time for the cycle.
My oldest daughter is getting married in November so I have a ton of sewing and needle work to do for her dowry. Yes my family still does that always has for many generations. I have a ton to do and little time to do it in.
I also have another grand baby. Her name is Ashylyn. I told my daughter that we only have girls in our line and it doesn't matter what the male side has we have very strong genes.
We come from a long line of women gifted with the sight and communication with the dead. My oldest has the sight, Her daughter has the gift of communication and my youngest has both communication (sleep and awake) and sight where you hear whats going to happen.
I have both the sight of communicating with the dead and actual sight along with knowing and feeling.
Its still strong all the way to my grandmother who is still living.
We come from 5th generations for 100's of yrs. The women live to be up to 100 or a bit over.
We also have MS in our line of women. I get the feeling because we get stressed out by our sight from what the others are feeling that MS comes out from the stress and stress in our lives.
My youngest is in Job Corp in OK and is addicted to both prescription and illegal drugs. She is here and leaving today because she had a desperate feeling she had to be here to help me and be around me. It has helped to a degree. She stole my medications a brand new prescription of 120 7 days ago and now I only have enough to get me through another week. She admitted at first and gave back 12 but then took alot more again yesterday. She also stole money out of my husbands wallet but gave it back.
She asked his forgiveness and vowed to never steal money again. Well she just stole my pills.
I am going to go off them so that she wont be tempted next time. She is going through drug classes and counseling but the temptation was to strong for her here.
I am taking her to the airport. I'm really going to miss my baby girl. I cant believe that they are growing up so fast and to fast because I'm feeling its like a flash as I enter the crone phase of life.
Well I am blessed with beautiful daughters and 2 beautiful grand daughters.
I'm also blessed with a wonderful hard working husband who tries very hard to be patient with my illness.
Well hope every finds that they are blessed as well by what the Goddess has given us.
Blessed Be.
Hugs and Witchy Wiggles